Looking for a Rainbow

What is it about our depression that really affects us?  We live like Eeyore from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh walking around with a dark rain cloud looming over us.  Suddenly, everything is seen in a shade of gray.  This feeling robs us of seeing color and emotion.  Happy yellow, bold red, somber blue, elegant purple, perky pink, unpredictable orange, wise green—they all turn into gray.  Simple gray with gray mid tones and no high lights or low lights.  Every situation for us is clouded and masked, like the looming clouds before and after a storm.  Where you can walk outside and feel the bitter cool wind whip against your skin.  But it’s a relief from the blazing heat, isn’t it?  Or in this mask of gray, is it simply another uncomfortable weather change?  Our dejection leads us there, standing on the front porch, clutching our crocheted sweaters against us and wondering when the rainbow will shine its merciful colors through the thick clouds.  We don’t need a dazzling show of bright colors, but simply a tiny peek of light.  Something other than gray to let us know hope is coming.  

The Photograph

Click

I am a hunter

I am a poacher

I am a captor

I am a kidnapper

Click

I am a thief

I have stolen

This landscape

This beauty

This creation

Click

These mountains

This river

Those trees

That person

Click

The emotions

I’ve stolen them too

Anger, sadness

Joy, frustration

Laugher, love

Click

It is mine

I am a thief

My camera is my weapon

I steal

But I leave everything behind

Just the way I found it

Click

Abracadabra

I don’t believe magic is casting spells or drinking potions.  It’s much more simplistic than that.  I believe “magic” is how people explain the unexplainable.  It is the first snow of the year, when the world seems to fall silent.  Or it is a new born baby’s first smile, or that ray of sun that shines through the living room window on Sunday afternoons, warming from the inside out.  This magic takes many forms.  It’s the subtle glow of fireflies that dot the summer night, the tingle and fright of first falling in love, or the sound of rain pattering on the tin roof, creating a stillness in the chaos.  Magic isn’t the leprechaun holding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but rather, the burst of color in the hazy, storm-torn sky.  Simplicity.  It cannot be explained by human terms.  Isn’t that what makes these things magical?

Allow Me to Rant

Kudos to the brave therapists who listen to problems all day, but my therapy today comes in a good, old-fashioned rant about my pet peeves, all of which I have experienced this week.           

            1.  When people are late.

This one just really pushes my buttons.  We said 7:00.  Do not show up at 7:15.  7:00 and 7:15 are not the same time, strangely enough.  It’s not a hard concept, essentially.  Just leave earlier.  I just love waiting in dark parking lots for late people.  Actually, I don’t.  I very much hate it.  So be on time.

            2.  When people text me to start a conversation, then reply about every ten minutes.

Really?  Yes, this happens to me quite often.  It isn’t brain surgery.  If you’re busy, don’t text me.  Are these tax dollars really going to education?

            3.  When people believe they are smarter than they actually are.

Welcome to my school.  I may be indirectly referring to a few choice people, and I am in fact aware that I do sound like a 13 year old girl’s twitter account but isn’t that the purpose of ranting?  People really need to get over themselves.  Ever heard of the sun?  The world revolves around it, not you.

            4.  Excessive cussing.

I am not preaching, just irked.  Wow, you look so tough dropping 27 F-bombs because you just stubbed your toe on the side of the desk.  I only wish I was as cool as you.  Marry me now?

            5.  Cocky guys.

You will never be as hot as Ryan Gosling.  Don’t even try.

We've Come a Long Way From Lunch Pails

Today, I opened my lunch sack to find a sandwich on white bread.  I detest white bread.  Call me a snob, but I only eat whole wheat bread.  This problem could have been overlooked if it had not been one of the many lunch blunders my mother has committed just this month.  One was packing me Cool Ranch Doritos which in response, I promptly sent her a picture of the unopened package as visual evidence of my distaste.  A couple of times, she has forgotten the flavor packet to my water bottle.  So guess what I got to drink?  Water.  Plain water.  Now why on earth would anyone want to drink that?  Recently, her blunders have been more excusable though.  For example, giving me Snickers instead of Twix.  I can cope with that, I suppose.  Except today I got no candy.  And white bread.  If this pattern of irresponsibility continues, I might have to start packing my own lunch.

Every Seven Years

Cells replace themselves every seven years.  Every seven years, I become a new person.  Well, same heart, same brain, same Rachel, just a new chapter of life.

Birth to age 7:  I moved to the family farm.  I watched very little television because I was always outside, imagining and creating new worlds.  Days were filled with my small elementary school down the road, playing Risk with my brothers, going on hikes, picnics, fishing, and catching fireflies. 

Age 7 to 14:  I lived in Waxahachie, Texas for 11 months.  I attended middle school.  Well, actually I attended four different schools in this time.  I grew up, and thought I had matured.  I found a love for books, performance arts, and school.  I made and lost friends, and began to experience the world of boy crushes and girl drama.

Age 14 to 21:  I’m still in this stage, realizing I’m not as mature as I once thought I was.  It’s been a period of firsts.  First real party, first friend fight, first job, first kiss, first car, first genuine “thank you” to my parents.  Hello high school, I can’t wait to meet you.  Goodbye high school, I can’t wait to leave you.  It’s time for college, and time to grow up.  Time to realize who I am.  Is it the future already?

Age 21 to 28:  Bring it on.  

Do Not Disturb

There are two types of people:  introverted and extroverted.  Extroverted get their energy from other people.  To do their best work, they must be around others.  Whether it’s finishing a paper at the library, reading the paper at Starbucks, or simply bird watching in the park, extroverted people blossom in the company of others.  Introverted people are quite different.  Their energy flows best when they are alone.  Sure, parties and friends are fun, but at the end of the day, you’ll find an introverted person alone, with ideas flowing.  They need alone time.  I am an introverted person.  Quoting C.S. Lewis, “You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.”  Yes, I am a tea and coffee junkie, and yes, I love being alone.  Group projects annoy me; I work best on my own.  I’m a moody person and my friends can easily testify to that.  Sometimes, I just need a break from everything.  Nothing appeals to me more than sitting inside in front of my lap top or a book, exploring the world.  It’s my escape.  I am my on my own; I can do as I please.  Everyone needs time like this.  I could be for pleasure, to work, to hide, or simply to stay sane.  Oh, and a big cup of hot tea always helps too.